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You Still Haunt Me

Posted by Live Love Mom on June 7, 2017 at 7:15 AM

by: Stephanie McEndree


A woman is raped every 6 minutes. This statistic is according to only reported rapes, which is 36%. Often, women are shamed, told they deserved it, they had it coming, that they caused it. Victim-blaming is incredibly real. Even when the rapist is found guilty or pleads guilty, people say it was consentual, that she changed her mind, that she regretted it, that she’s lying. The fact is that these victim-blamers are probably unwilling to wrap their heads around the fact that the world can be a cold, cruel place and someone they know can be a monster. They choose to stay ignorant, stay in the dark, to keep themselves sheltered from reality. In doing so, they further destroy the victim…and this is not alright.

 

Sentences for rapists are increasingly lesser, and more and more are getting away with it. Many sex-offender registries no longer have the person hold lifelong registry requirements. Many rapists get off on probation, having never seen jailtime.

 

In retrospect, what message are we sending to our daughters? That even if you report your rape, your rapist will most likely escape justice? What message are we sending to our sons? That you can rape, because society will shame the victim and you will get away with it?

 

Rape itself can have women confused, if it was actually rape. People’s individual definitions vary, but what matters is the legal point of view. Here are some (BUT NOT ALL!) situations where the law deems it rape:

 

You were forced or intimidated to have or endure intercourse.

You were forced or intimidated to have or endure unwanted actions such as oral stimulation, manual stimulation, or sodomy.

Someone committed actions on your body of a private nature while you were asleep.

Someone committed private actions on your body while you were drunk or high.

Someone committed private actions on your body, and you are disabled.

You were touched and penetrated with someone’s sex, hands, mouth or a foreign object without your consent.

You consented to sex, then withdrew your consent or told the partner to stop, and they continued.

You consented to sex, and said no to a particular sexual activity, and they do that activity anyhow.

You are a minor and the other person is of age.


The person that had “sex” with you is in a position of power over you, such as a teacher and you’re a student, a prison employee and you’re an inmate, a higher ranking military person, etc.


A family member sexually assaults you.

If your friend, family member or yourself have been raped, here are the steps to take.

 

Call the police. They will likely tell you to go to the police station and file a report, which is highly recommended that you do.

Do not shower, do not brush your teeth, do not even wash your hands.

Do not change clothes, but pack a change of clothes. The clothes worn while the rape was happening, will be examined for evidence.

Go to the hospital. A rape-kit can be performed that collects evidence against the rapist, that can help jail them.

Have photos taken of your injuries.

Rape has devistating concequences, no matter the age. No matter the punishment or justice to the rapist, the victim has the short end of the stick. (S)he has to live with the flashbacks, the memories, and the feelings of violation, disgust, and fear for the rest of their lives. It can affect their love lives, their sex lives, even their interpersonal relationships. Rape ends lives. Some are murdered after or before a rape, some commit suicide after being raped, and all of the time the person who they were before the rape dies.

 

A rape takes away your security, your feeling of safety. It removes your confidence, murders your ability to trust. No matter who it is that raped you, you feel dirty. You blame yourself, you wonder if you could have done anything differently that would have prevented this. It’s a living nightmare. No one deserves this. No one ever will.


 

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Categories: Issues, Life Advice, Current Events

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