Live Love Mom

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What Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

Posted by Live Love Mom on February 3, 2015 at 7:10 AM

by: Stephanie McEndree

It is a very real situation. It can happen to anyone. Sadly, it most often happens to women who have been abused as a child. Some realize, that no one has loved them without abusing them. Therefore, they inadvertantly see abuse as a show of love. This is ingrained into their brains at an extremely young age, so it is nearly impossible to break this chain. One in every three women will be abused at some point in her life. These are disturbing, and staggaring odds. However, not only women get abused. Men get abused as well, and are shamed to keep it a secret.


Abuse comes in many forms.


Physical abuse. This type of abuse is when physical harm is inflicted upon you and your body. This can be hitting, punching, shoving, slapping, pinching, grabbing, throwing and more. Throwing objects at you is also a type of physical abuse.

Psychological and mental abuse. This is when the person uses psychological and mental ways to abuse you. This can include gaslighting (making you believe that what you heard/saw isn’t what you actually heard/saw), destroying your property, threats, intimidation, and more. This can also include forcing the victim to cut off contact and stay away from their own family members and friends, isolating the victim so they rely wholly on the abuser so the victim cannot leave, claiming they “know you better than you know yourself” and saying you are something that you’re not, etc. Psychological abusers also isolate you further by telling your friends and family lies about you. They will tell anyone and everyone lies about you to guarentee your isolation. If someone defends you or refuses to believe the abuser, the abuser writes them off as insane and more. They can also force you to eat too much and stop working out to destroy your self-esteem and insinuate self-disgust and hate. One of the most common forms of this, is invalidating thoughts and feelings. This can lead someone to question their own feelings, if they are logical, if they are real, and makes for a warped sense of reality. This is an extremely dangerous side effect of abuse.

Emotional abuse. This is when someone purposefully hurts your feelings, makes you angry, or does things to trigger depression in order to control you or punish you. This includes cheating, kidnapping your children, making advances on family members, spreading rumors, etc.

Cultural abuse. This is when a person prevents you from being your culture or doing cultural things, or forces you to stop or to change cultures.

Verbal abuse. This includes name-calling, threats, intimidation, instilling fear in you that if you don’t do as they say you’ll come to harm,

Spiritual abuse. This form of abuse is when someone prevents you from practicing, associating with, or being your religion or spirituality, or going to related events, worship and prayer.

Sexual abuse. This includes but is not limited to; groping, molestation, unwanted touching, intimidating you to not refuse, rape, raping while unconscious (includes sleeping and being drunk, high or otherwise inebriated), grabbing, sexual harrassment, making you do sexual things you do not want to do, using intimidation and guilt to force you to make them orgasm, and more.

Neglect. This can include someone ignoring you for days, weeks, months, even years on end, locking you indoors so you cannot go grocery shopping to provide for yourself, not caring for you when you are disabled or unable to care for yourself when they agreed to, keeping you from taking basic care of yourself like showering, starving you, etc.

Financial abuse. This is when you are not given access to the money you make, or are refused funds needed to take care of yourself or pay your bills. It can also be when someone forces you to stay home and not get a job, or prevents you from working, so you have no financial freedom, therefore no way to escape.

Abuse can cause countless mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and even more if committed while the person is still a child. The child’s brain wires itself to accept this behavior as normal, in order to survive. However concequently, the child will be unable to form healthy relationships in the future.


I am sad to say that I have experienced abuse in all of these categories. It can destroy you beyond repair. Finding a normal, SAFE relationship is a challenge for years afterwards. It’s traumatizing going through this, and is almost impossible to break free. But, you must. Go to a shelter if you have nowhere else to go. It can save your life.


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Categories: Relationship Advice, Life Advice, Issues

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