Live Love Mom

By: Rev. Dr. Stephanie Noircent

Renewing vows can be a choice for couples for many different reasons. Being married is a consious choice to stay with the person you love, every single day. Some want to celebrate that choice after a certain amount of time to show that their marriage is still going strong. Lots of couples decide to renew their vows and here are some reasons why:

The first reason is that, after a couple has children, they want their children to be included in the marriage. Especially in small families, some children never get to attend a wedding until their very own. Not only is this a good teaching oppurtunity for them, but they also get to participate in anything the couple wants: the vows, a sand ceremony, candle lighting ceremony, photos, and more. 

The second reason is financial stability. A lot of times, especially when the couple married young, they were unable to afford the wedding of their dreams. Sometimes they even had family that didn't agree to the union so they had to elope. Some had to get married in a rush, for example if a relative was dying and the couple wanted them to be a part of the big day. Some even have their wedding at the grave of a loved one to include them. Whichever the reason why they didn't get their dream wedding, financial stability affords the couple permission to have everything just the way they want it.

The third reason is that you want to re-live the big day. For most marriages, the sparks dull and there are no more butterflies after so many years. Being in the moment again, feeling giddy about to express your love to your spouse can light up that fire. You will remember why you got married in the first place, and probably get pretty emotional. You even get to ride that wedding bliss high after your ceremony.

The fourth reason is for a second honeymoon. They come after weddings, do they not? So it ties in well to have a vow renewal ceremony before you are whisked away on a romantic vacation. You also get to feel special again, the apple of your spouse's eye and have some amazing wedding night sex all over again.

The fifth reason is that you've hit a milestone. Whether you've been married 5, 10, 20, 25 or 50 years, it's a good reason to renew your vows. Gather your loved ones and have a small ceremony together to celebrate how long you've been together and how much you still love each other. You can have it on your anniversary and it's a perfect way to have an anniversary party at the same time. You can even make it a surprise for your guests.

The sixth reason is that it’s way more fun. There are no expectations and you can make it as untraditional as you want to. You can renew your vows while sky-diving, just the two of you over dinner at a restaurant, a few close friends and family in your backyard. You have complete freedom. This is something the couple usually craves when a parent, relative or friend held the purse strings of their wedding. When someone else is paying or they make you have someone else's dream wedding instead, couples tend to want to take the reins on their special day. This way, they get to take control and have a blast doing it.

The seventh reason is it’s stress-free. There is no stress when things don't go exactly as planned. Wine spilled on your dress? You can laugh it off. Your husband shoving cake in your face? No problem, you didn't just spend hundreds of dollars on makeup. Arrived late? It's more laid-back so the guests will just chuckle about it. It's much more relaxing and you don't have a mile-long to-do list or nearly as much planning to do for over a year in advance.

The eighth reason is that it has more meaning. Your original vows sound much more amazing hearing them the second time around. You can really see how well you stuck to them and how true they are. You can also make your own and add some oddly specific ones, like: thank you for being there when my parent died, do you remember that time our kids ruined your wedding suit 10 years later, etc. 

The nineth reason is simply the love of weddings. Women love weddings, and it will definitely make her day to be able to re-live her wedding day and the excitement of being a bride. Men love weddings too, the husband will also love looking his best in his crisp, fancy suit and watch his beaming wife walk towards him full of love.

The tenth reason is for when the kids have left the nest. Now that the two people are empty-nesters, they can make new vows for each other. Oftentimes, when people get married they have children afterwards. Having children is even mentionned in the vows sometimes, how they can't wait to start a family and hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet. But once those kids have grown up and left to start their own adventures, it's time to remember what life has in store ahead of you. It will just be the two of you living together for the rest of your lives. You can promise to use this time to spend more time together, connect deeply like before you had kids, and go on post-retirement adventures. 

The eleventh reason is to highlight forgiveness. Sometimes, marriages can have some truly trying times. Whether it's infidelity, lying, or general betrayal sometimes the couple chooses to forgive each other and stay together. In these instances, they often want to show their commitment to each other and have a fresh start with renewing vows. You can present a united front and show everyone that nothing will break you apart.

The twelfth reason is that it's a reason to party. Why let all of those wedding items go to waste? Bust out that wedding gown, the wedding suit, the silk floral arrangements you kept, your wedding shoes, and everything you have leftover from your wedding. It's great to up-cycle what you used, but also the perfect excuse to have a party with friends and family.

The thirteenth reason is to show strength and committment after a major event. Whether it was a serious illness, a natural disaster, the loss of a job, a relocation abroad or a child's illness, it can definitely shift the focus of the marriage. A vow renewal ceremony can be a way to reward yourselves for getting through it, and getting through it together. It can also shift your focus back onto your marriage and love life now that the hurdle has passed.

The fourteenth reason is to make sure people who didn't make it to your wedding can attend this one. Whether your close relatives or friends were at the hospital or couldn't afford the tickets to your destination wedding, it's a good reason to have a vow renewal ceremony. They will surely appreciate it and you will have lots of gorgeous photos together and have a wonderful time making memories that will last a lifetime. 

A fifteenth reason is for renewing your vows is to have a formal ceremony. This ties in with the first reason, but after having a casual ceremony with people wearing jeans and a t-shirt, the couple may later either regret that, or still want a formal wedding. The opposite can be true too: maybe instead of a formal wedding they had they would like to have a barefoot beach wedding. 

Either way there are plenty of reasons to renew your vows. If that's what you both want to do, go for it.